Holy Shenanigans: Meeting Loneliness with Withness in a Throw-Away Society

Never Alone - Part Three

We live in a throw-away society.

A culture of consumerism is simultaneously a culture of waste.

We throw-away the old model, device, or fashion, for the upgrade, the next, the “new and improved.”

Unfortunately, we don’t just do this with products, but with human lives. We “cancel” the voices who no longer serve our purposes. We throw away those experiencing poverty, the addicted and afflicted. We lock up those who commit crimes of desperation—particularly those who can’t afford legal representation—and throw away the key.

I began this series with the story of my little brother McKinely. A young life that ended too soon. A casualty of the overdose epidemic which claims around 100,000 lives every year. 62 percent of those deaths are people under the age of 40. Throw-aways, whose lives apparently aren’t worth government intervention, policy change, or the attention and intentional efforts of most local churches.

But let’s go to the other end of the age spectrum.

Sacrificing Our Sages on the Altar of Youthfulness

While the “silent epidemic” of overdose has become an alarming public health crisis, it is far from the only issue contributing to the growing social and mental health challenges we face. Alongside the rising suicide rates, the devastating impact of gun violence, and the pandemic of loneliness, there lies another often-overlooked issue—how our society has marginalized the elderly and abandoned its sacred responsibility to care for its most vulnerable members.

Sadly, we throw away the wise sages, those who have outlived their usefulness in a system designed to pursue, to accumulate, to consume.

Meet my friend Olive. Olive, a lifelong church member, spent her final years in an assisted living facility, where she was left to fade away in isolation. At ninety-nine, Olive’s body was frail, and her family had placed her in the facility but rarely visited. As her pastor, I made regular visits to see Olive, but I began to feel that my presence had little impact.

I watched Olive’s body and zest for life fade away. She spent many hours every day in isolation. The nurses did their best to care for her, but with few visitors, little to no communication with her family, and withdrawal from the few communal activities offered by the facility, Olive grew increasingly alone.

Our society is guilty of worshiping at the altar of youthfulness. It flows back to a long series of social transformations that glorified youth, individualism, and self-expression. Following the world wars, and the social revolution of the 1960s, emerging generations rejected social norms including clothing, music, drugs, and sexuality, resulting in the “generation gap.” Then began the proliferation of products, procedures, and fitness habits aimed at helping people over the age of thirty achieve the appearance of continued youthfulness. With a cultlike following, all things young are considered to be good, beautiful, and true. In contrast, all things old are irrelevant and antiquated. Ageing is seen as shameful, and people go to great lengths, even as far as pricey cosmetic surgery, to ignore or conceal it.

Unfortunately, the cult of youthfulness is all too ready to discard those ageing beyond their usefulness in a society driven by consumerism. We don’t just discard the old device for the new upgrade, we discard people. We warehouse them in facilities, hidden from our shiny, young, Instagram-filtered lives. In so doing we also discard the sage wisdom. We dispose of the voices that our Native American siblings refer to as the “tribal elders.” We send them into the oblivion of isolation.

This pervasive mindset devalues older generations, leaving us with a society disconnected from the lessons and experiences that could shape us for the better.

I believe Olive had more life left in her. I believe her final days should have been more filled with family and friends. People to share her life and wisdom with. Olive died of loneliness.

But this ageist culture is not just a social issue—it is a spiritual and existential crisis. And the church has largely failed our most faithful and committed saints. In a sense, these congregants give their prayers, presence, gifts, service, and witness, then when they “age out” of their physical ability to participate, we kind of say, “thanks for the memories, see you in the new creation.” Most congregations have some kind of visitation team, and this is a supremely important facet of a local church’s ministry. I just don’t think it’s enough.

Holy Shenanigans

My local church network is widely known for a fresh expression we started in a tattoo parlor. This community is thirteen years old now and has been featured by several local and national news outlets. While many were inspired by the possibilities of the kind of incarnational communities it represents, many others consider it “sinful,” “capitulating to the world,” “misleading people to hell.” The latter group placed me firmly in the “heretic,” “false prophet” circle, and sent hate mail to let me know it. Literally hundreds of people have been baptized and become believers through the ecosystem of expressions connected to Tattoo Parlor Church. People who the inherited, attractional-only form of church would never reach. If joining what Jesus is doing in a tattoo shop is heretical, count me in, and I’m proud to be a part of it.

But let me tell you about a fresh expression of church our team leads quietly every week in an assisted living facility in Ocala, FL. I know, not very edgy, or glamorous, not controversial enough to be newsworthy, however, it is maybe the more important story to tell.

A small group of residents gathers every Monday afternoon for a time of prayer, conversation, and spiritual connection. They call themselves Shenanigans—a playful name that hints at their mission “to stir up holy mischief.” Some of these seniors had been members of our church for decades but could no longer attend Sunday services due to physical limitations. So, our team is being church with them where they live and attracting other residents who were not connected to any church. There is no formal sermon, but there is spiritual dialogue based in Scripture—honest conversations about their joys and struggles, about the visits from grandchildren, and the losses they have endured. They clasp hands, pray together, and share life.

In his May 2023 advisory on loneliness, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy highlighted the profound effects of social isolation, especially for vulnerable groups like the elderly. He called for a renewed focus on building real, tangible social connections to combat this crisis. And this is where the church can make a critical difference.

The Power of Withness

Small, intentional gatherings like Shenanigans can become a lifeline for chronologically mature residents, reminding us that the power of community can heal the wounds of isolation. It enables us to offer the ultimate gift—withness—the continued embodiment of the life of the one named Emmanuel, “God with us” (Matthew 1:23).

In my research at the University of Florida, I’m working with two well-known psychosocial constructs: extrinsic religiosity and intrinsic religiosity. Extrinsic religiosity is motivated by how religion can be used to satisfy one’s own needs. People in this space see religious participation as a means to achieve security, social status, social connectedness, and so on. These extrinsic types turn to God without turning away from the self and use religion toward their own ends. Intrinsic religiosity, in contrast, is motivated by guiding principles for how to live with integrity and a meaning-endowed framework (Allport & Ross, 1967).

Ardelt and Koenig (2009) found that individuals who lean into intrinsic religiosity—those who engage in spiritual activities like prayer and community—report better health, a greater sense of purpose, and less anxiety about death. This was especially true for the nursing homes residents in their study. Where loneliness is prevalent, small acts of spiritual connection, withness, can make a significant difference in overall well-being in the later stages of life.

In the twenty-first century, many people experience a disconnect between their religious beliefs and their actions. Even our prevailing metrics program people for extrinsic religiosity, but do not assess or encourage intrinsic religiosity. Bad theology—distorted beliefs about God, suffering, and death—can actually harm people’s mental and physical health. People who view God as judgmental or distant may struggle with anxiety and fear, particularly as they approach the end of life. This is where compassionate, inclusive communities become essential. Faith communities that reject toxic theology, that embrace the goodness of every person, and that prioritize connection over individualism, have the potential to offer healing in profound ways.

Olive’s story, like so many others, highlights the deep consequences of living in a society that prioritizes individualism over community. A throw-away society that worships at the altar of youthfulness. It is a tragic irony that in our attempts to avoid aging, we abandon the very people who often have the most wisdom to offer. The antidote to this is simple but not easy: community. Genuine, compassionate, and spiritual community that doesn’t just talk about connection but actively cultivates it. The kind of community that Shenanigans embodies—where small acts of holy mischief create lasting relationships, where faith is lived out, and where loneliness is met with presence.

Olive’s life was more than her final years of isolation. She had wisdom, stories, and a lifetime of love to offer. And I believe that she deserved more than the loneliness she experienced in the end. As a society, we can do better. As a church, we must build communities that affirm the sacred worth of every person, regardless of age, and that offer a place where we all can belong, share, and grow together. Only then can we truly heal the epidemic of loneliness, and the distorted aspects of consumerism that plague our world today.

1. G. W. Allport and M. J. Ross, “Personal Religious Orientation and Prejudice,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 5 (1967): 432–43.

2. Monika Ardelt and Cynthia S. Koenig, “Differential Roles of Religious Orientation on Subjective Well-Being and Death Attitudes in Old Age: Mediation of Spiritual Activities and Purpose in Life,” in Amy L. Ai and Monika Ardelt, Role of Faith in the Well-Being of Older Adults: Linking Theories with Evidence in an Interdisciplinary Inquiry (Nova Science Publishers, Incorporated, 2009).

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